Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
