Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
