I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
