so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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