i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i believe in u and ur pee
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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