Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
