nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
