i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
