Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
