I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
