i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
