I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
