Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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