she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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