No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
