I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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