I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just googled if crying burns calories
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
