and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
