You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
