rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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