I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
