But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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