So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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