Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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