it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
