I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
