Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
