No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
