Can i not drive my cunt home
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
