Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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