I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
