If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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