My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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