I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
