I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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