I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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