Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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