how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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