Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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