My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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