His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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