I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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