This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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