just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
