my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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