Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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