Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just had sex bonerless
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
