What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
