I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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