I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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