If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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