i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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