Plan B is the new Plan A
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
