I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
