My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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