Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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