You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
