You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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