you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
