did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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