he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
