just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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