you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
